Our Story

Our names are Lauran and Alex, we are the parents to our beautiful boy Theo who was born sleeping in June 2023.

We started designing this journal five months after our baby boy was born after already thinking what we would do for his first birthday.

That is when we came up with 'The Birthdays Without You'.

We miss our boy every single day, not a day goes by where we don't think of him.

Creating this journal has been a journey, but honouring our boy and bringing some level of comfort to other loss families makes it worth it.

Theo's Story

On the 11 April we had our 20 week scan. Our boy was putting on a show, wriggling around for the technician. We got some beautiful photos and made some jokes about his big nose and made mummy nervous about his giant head. Everything was normal. That was until I had a follow up appointment with my GP four days later.

During this tele-appointment, she read through all the details, all his perfect measurements, all his glowing stats, until she reads 'there are some abnormalities with his kidneys'. I suddenly went into panic. She advised me that this was normal abnormality that can appear on 20 week scans. His kidney's were looking a little larger than normal, this could have been him just needing to pass urine. She said the words 'it's probably nothing, but I'm going to do a referral for another ultrasound when you reach your third trimester just to make sure its cleared up by then'. The doctor didn't seem worried, clearly its nothing urgent if they don't need to check for another 8 weeks. That was our thoughts.

7 weeks flew by, he was getting so big, he was kicking at his normal times of the day and night, he was causing me awful indigestion and keeping me up at night already.

On the 26 May, we went for our referred ultrasound at the Fetal Medicine Unit. We went in there with no idea what to expect. We were welcomed into the room where the technician conducted the ultrasound. It took some adjusting to get the right angles of our little man. After a little while, the technician advised that the problem with his kidneys had gotten worse and that she was going to share our results with the specialist.

She left the room for about 10 minutes, those 10 minutes felt like a lifetime. We tried not to panic, I told Alex that everything is fine and we will be able to fix this no matter what it was. We were going through every scenario in our heads, except the scenario that we were about to be handed.

The fetal specialist then came into the room, he asked to have a look himself and he then did another ultrasound. Moments later, he let out a sigh and said lets have a chat.

Our world fell apart when he pulled a chair over and told us what was happening with our boy. Our little Theo had a blockage between his kidney and bladder. Throughout the whole pregnancy he was unable to pass urine, and the blockage had caused catastrophic damage to his kidneys and bladder. As he was unable to pass urine, the amount of amniotic fluid that was supposed to be around him was very little, therefore he wasnt be able to swallow the fluid which would have helped his lungs developed - therefore his lungs were very undeveloped. We were told that if we took him to term, he wouldn't survive long after birth.

We were given the option to continue with the pregnancy and bring him into the world which these severe issues or to interupt the pregnancy and deliver him early. We were absolutely shattered. Our hearts were broken. How could this be happening. We were so happy, and then our lives changed instantly. We were not prepared.

We were given a few days to think about it and verbally confirmed with the specialist to interrupt the pregnancy the following Tuesday. On Friday, 2 June our baby boy passed away in the womb, as under Australian Law, in these circumstances, they prefer for there no to be no sign of life for these type of inductions for me to deliver him.

Two days later, I was admitted into hospital where I started the induction process. After 19 hours in hospital, our sleeping angel was brought into this world through a normal birth. We are so honoured we got to meet him, hold him and spare him of any pain.

We couldn't bring our boy into this world in pain. He wasn't in any pain in my womb. My placenta was basically a bypass machine for him. Making that decision though, even though we knew it was the right decision from the moment we heard the news, does not take away how hard it was to make. Deciding when your baby has to die just adds a whole level of grief.

We went from organising baby showers to funeral homes, to picking out an urn instead of nursery furniture, all in the space of two weeks. The longest two weeks of our lives.